Would love to have seen more show instead of tell, a lot of 'ands' and 'shes'.
Lot of sentences where you say Alice is getting [items] or Alice is going to [place]. Would like to have seen you write or prompt (Fyi using Ai img to get people to read is in weird ok-bad territory and may make people think the story is also just ai generated.)
For example in the first sentence you tell us that Alice had been traveling for days doing her best to avoid zombies, which sure tells us something but it is not particularly compelling.
You could have showed us that she was tired and had been traveling for a while by describing how her arms and legs ached hell you could have noted how she kept getting blisters as her shoes had worn through. When she enters the town you could have had her peer down at a map and have her note down where she thinks/ knows she is, or instead when she passes a sign which states 'Town name' with a comment about the text having started to wither away etc etc.
When she later realizes that the town is in fact severely infested with infected you could note the stench of death is more pungent or how a distant hum of groans seem to increase as she moved further into the town. If you want to be super direct you could have her moving through buildings and as she peers down the street or down below (depending on what angle she is viewing from) where she notices a crowd of infected have started to gather .
My examples above would still need to be turned into proper 'show' sentences.
Suffice to say in the future I would love to see you show us what your characters are doing, as a reader it is infinitely more valuable/interesting then being told that x grabbed y then went to z.
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Would love to have seen more show instead of tell, a lot of 'ands' and 'shes'.
Lot of sentences where you say Alice is getting [items] or Alice is going to [place]. Would like to have seen you write or prompt (Fyi using Ai img to get people to read is in weird ok-bad territory and may make people think the story is also just ai generated.)
For example in the first sentence you tell us that Alice had been traveling for days doing her best to avoid zombies, which sure tells us something but it is not particularly compelling.
You could have showed us that she was tired and had been traveling for a while by describing how her arms and legs ached hell you could have noted how she kept getting blisters as her shoes had worn through. When she enters the town you could have had her peer down at a map and have her note down where she thinks/ knows she is, or instead when she passes a sign which states 'Town name' with a comment about the text having started to wither away etc etc.
When she later realizes that the town is in fact severely infested with infected you could note the stench of death is more pungent or how a distant hum of groans seem to increase as she moved further into the town. If you want to be super direct you could have her moving through buildings and as she peers down the street or down below (depending on what angle she is viewing from) where she notices a crowd of infected have started to gather .
My examples above would still need to be turned into proper 'show' sentences.
Suffice to say in the future I would love to see you show us what your characters are doing, as a reader it is infinitely more valuable/interesting then being told that x grabbed y then went to z.
Best wishes for your future writing.